I let go.

Gone is the blame for my past sins.

Gone is the hopelessness that I feel when I find myself overwhelmed by every day life.

Gone is the shame of hidden secrets.

GONE is the SHAME that he made me feel for not being PERFECT!!!

Gone is my wish to make everyone I love happy first.

TODAY ITS MY TURN!

I hope it isn't too late. I hope the damage I have done can be reversed. I can no longer bear the tears that I have brought myself. The tears I have allowed Brian and everyone else inflict on my heart and soul.

Today I let him go and let the chains and torture he was to my mind fall away. I always was afraid he won't like what he sees here. Now I don't give a fuck. I have always been Terrified he would leave and what I would do if he wasn't here. Now I know that he was a joke. Just having me around to help pay his way and as a fuck toy.

I now can be Alone.

Although I am never alone.

I can save myself. Be happy. Allow myself to be loved for the captivating woman that I am.

I will be whole again.

I WILL GAIN MY SANITY BACK FROM YOU.

You loved me, but you never knew who I was!

Today I let you go! You no longer will plague my mind, my heart, nor my soul. I toss you away, just like the trash you made me out to be.

Good Bye



Whiskey

I can't fight this feeling any longer.
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship, Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

I tell myself that I can't hold OUT forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.

And even as I WANDER,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever THOUGHT I MIGHT.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

You go from being so totally in love with someone, believing that their family loves you and really cares what happens to you, BEING HAPPIER THAN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN, and being so blind to all that could possibly go wrong because they were such good liars. Or was it that he was such a good con artist.

So this was my dress... The dress shop refunded the money that I PAID for my dress to Brian's mother. She told them that she had reinbursed me for the dress and all the favors. When in actuality she paid me so that I could pay for the rest of the dress because I TOLD HER AND BRIAN that I WANTED THE DAMN DRESS. So all my brides maids and myself got FUCKED over because Brian and his family are liars.