You've got your mother and your sister and your family
Oh and your toothless homewrecking bitch...
Every other undercover
Tellin' you what to say "weak minded bastard"
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is
That it's cupid, baby
Lovin' you has MADE me this way
So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger
Oh yeah
You need to know this situation's getting old
And now the more you talk
The less I can say, oh

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I waited here for you
Like a kid waiting after school
So tell me how come you never showed?
I gave you everything
And never asked for anything
And look at me
I'm THE ONE all alone
So, before you start defendin'
Baby, stop all your pretendin "FAKE BASTARD"
I know you know
I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get the show on the road today

Hey!

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I want a love
I want a fire
To feel the burn in
My desires
I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides "COWARDLY FUCK"
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?'
Cause if you don't then just leave.

Walk away
Walk away


I find it funny that all the times that I wanted to leave his ass... The only thing standing in my way was him. He was afraid to lose me? Now he has thrown me out like trash... And he has lost me. He has even claimed that I was the cause of his health problems... thats fucking funny... I was the one taking care of his ass.

Hi There,

I am sorry that I haven't been in touch. I am just trying to work all of this out in my head because I am so truly lost. He is trying to blame ALL his health problems on me. ALL his skin issues.. everything. All I ever did was cater to him and take care of HIM. It was never about me. Now about him saying that he felt like this for 2 years is bullshit and a total cop out. He found someone he wanted to be with... he fucked up and he just wants to make it seem as if he is the victim. He has always done this very well. If he was unhappy for that long... don't you think that his parents or sister or family or even you would have set me aside and said hun I am not sure whats going on but this is what we know. But therein lies the problem... NO ONE KNEW. His family basically has disowned me... they think that all this is ok and that him leaving me over this woman is the best thing that happened to him.

The day before he completely took his shit out of my apartment was the day he called the cops on me because I wouldnt give him the extra set of keys to his car. Mind you his name was still on the lease and had the extra set of keys to my car and the apartment. I was holding them till he took his name off the lease and everything was transferred over. I didn't think that was such a big thing to ask for. He even tried to man handle them from me. I simply told him no, he got into my face and I got in my car locked it and waited for the cops. They told him that there was nothing they could do. Just to get his shit and go and be done with it.

He has already started a life beyond me... He kept putting off taking care of this situation and getting his shit and went up to visit his toothless bitch twice instead of taking care of me and getting his shit out of my life. Oh and he paid his car off too. Just in time to get rid of me. I think that is kind of conveinent. Considering that he would have never been able to afford anything or have what he does if I wasn't there. Roomate with Benefits...?

I gave him many, MANY, times to tell me or to change his mind or to take a break. What doesn't make sense though is that he said he didn't tell me in January because he didn't want to lose me??? OK HE FUCKING WALKED OUT ON EVERYTHING! He lost me.... but not until he found someone. So here I am broken and bruised and he just doesn't give a shit. Nor does his family. My life is ruined but its ok for him to carry on with his new life....???

But I am doing well. I am trying to be as independent as possible. I have had to fork out most of the money for the rest of the wedding crap that we already had... And he even paid part of his credit card with my bank account info...

But I love my job. Have you found anything? I am working for a place called Rose Place here is the website so you can check it out. Watch the video for it. They are hiring too... well always really. I really love it. Everyone is so nice and this program is soooo awesome. I get paid decently for what it is and where I live from it. They also offer benefits... but the best part is that they really do what they say they are going to do here. It's not like CMH and say that they are trying to teach people to live independently. It really happens here. We have people that move on from this program. We also are fed. If you work in the morning you get lunch and breakfast and if you work at night you get dinner. We eat all together with everyone and its really fun.

I so thank GOD for this job Mike. If I didn't have it I would be soooo not in a good place. He really fucked me and I am happy to report though that I am already seeing some people... Oh and if you have any single friends let me know.... If he can go on and have a life without me then why can't I do it without him?

I have since only really broke down a few times and have taken 2 days off of work but I am handling everything really well. I am really mourning the wasted time. Maybe I made Brian a more confident person...? Who knows but alll around he is an asshole and really is an idiot. I don't think he ever really loved me to tell you the truth. I think I was just a conveinece after Lisa... I was there willing to work and pay half the bills and he took advantage of the fact that I was young and stupid. I just hope that this girl doesn't fuck him up... I have heard that she does this... OH WELL! KARMA is a bitch and what he doesn't know... is that he has it coming.

I will call soon. I would like to get together and what not... I am so into having a good time because he never really wanted to do anything or go anywhere. The only time we went out was with K and M. I am however really enjoying being myself. Thats the saddest part... I lost myself in this relationship. I was NEVER able to be me. He Never wanted to know ME. Instead I was told that it was me always being the problem... but after all of this... I now see that he was the problem. He NEVER once tried to change for me. But that was all I was doing for him. I was folding and molding myself to conform to this 4x4 box of shit that he wanted me to be. I will never let myself be in this postition again. No man will ever control me nor will I let them put me under their thumb. In that I thank god that this happend. What if we had kids/? OMG I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM FOR REAL.

I don't have to worry about coming home or asking when I can go somewhere or if it was ok if I stayed later.... He controled everything.

I went out and got my hair cut. I have lost some weight.. I have been more active and am rarely at the apartment alone. I feel better and I am happy really. He doesn't think that I am entitled to my emotions. Thats so wrong. What does he expect me to do... roll over and die??? Sorry but thats not going to happen! I will NEVER forgive him for this...

I thank you for being there for me and tellin him what for... lol I am just at the point where I want to move on and find someone that really is for me. Who knows maybe I will do that Eharmony thing.... :)

Ok but I am at work and having to chart so I will let you go and I will talk to you later
My number is ... I changed it for my job.

I hope everything with you guys is great. Give the baby a kiss for me. I really am doing better than I thought I would

Thanks again,


Whiskey

I haven't posted in a while because my life has been turned upside down... My heart is broken and shattered and I am trying in vain to pick up the pieces.

I caught Brian in a lie about a week and a half ago. I had just gotten home from the first day of work at 1230am and was exhausted and I went straight to bed. I got up at about 11am that morning and Brian was already up and ready to go somewhere. He told me that he was going to go out and buy some new sandles before he couldn't anymore... and that he was going to go for a walk... ok at the time I was too tired to relise that it was almost 90 degrees outside at the time he told me that. So I said ok and I kissed him and told him that I loved him like normal and he went about his business. I wake up at like 130pm and Relise that he still wasn't back so I called him and he sent my call straight to voicemail... so I called again.. same thing.

I left a message and asked if everything was ok and if he was gonna come back home before work... So I got in the shower cause I had to get ready for work. I am in there when he calls back. I finish my shower and get out to get the phone and check the voicemail that he left me.

He basically said while stuttering the entire time... I went to look at shoes like I told you and that I went for a walk and stuck to the shaded parts.

OK... this is a man that NEVER goes out in the hot weather unless he has to. 75 and sunny is too hot for him.

I call him back and I asked if he found any sandles and he said no. I aksed what stores he went to... he said Meijers. I said to him that it took him 3 hours in that store to find out that they didn't have sandles? He said no I went for that walk too. I asked him when he ever wanted to go for a walk in weather over 75 degrees? Then he said he didn't want to talk about it... I said talk about what? I don't want to talk about it. I say well apparently we have some issue to talk about because you don't want to talk about it right now.

Then he told me that he went to his coworkers friends house and he kissed her... his co worker.

So needless to say he cheated on me. 3 months before our wedding... 1000 dollars already vested into it. He was given more than enough chances to say something. Just to fucking let me know that he wanted to wait or slow things down. But NO! He couldn't be a fucking man and tell me that he was going to leave me for someone he met 3 weeks ago. That he was throwing 4 years of my life away with it.

Thousands of things rushed into my mind. So he has been with her ever since he started that job that he stole from me. He was training to be her replacement. What makes it worse though is her name is Cherie mine is Sherry. She is also his best friend Kris' neice.

There is so much more that I want to say but I don't have time. I will write more soon.

big thanks goes out to TJ. THANKS So much for just talkin with me. I am ok. and I am going to be even better when I get my apartment set up.