Lord I must have done something right. This man is so in love with me and and I with him. If you would have asked me more than 3 years ago if I ever would be married or even in a long term relationship... I would have told you.. "Yeah, Right!" mainly because I didn't think that anyone would or could love me so completely as Brian loves me.



I guess alot of that thinking comes from that of what I had to hear all my life from my parents and others who did nothing but hurt me.

I think thats why I am having such a terrible time with coming to terms with asking my parents to be apart of my wedding. Their answer to that question will set the stage for what is to come in the future for my parents involvment in my life at all. They haven't been there for me at all in the past... why am I hoping and grasping at the idea that things will be any different?

I believe people can change... I did.

I am so scared of playing the fool again. I guess thats just my reality and it will be their loss... I guess.


That was a huge mood swing...


Whiskey

I don't think that it could have gone any better than it did... ! Brian's mom is so excited and wanted to jump right in yesterday and get crackin at plans lol. OH! and my ring is more gorgeous than I thought it was. I am just kinda bummed that I cannot wear the band that goes with it too. :) So pretty.

Sunday Brian and I are going to check out his mom and dad's church. She says that if we like it we can use that for the wedding and the reception, which would be awesome because that's one less thing that we will have to worry about. Well ok we only have like 9 months to plan this but I want to have all of it almost done before May. I have already stayed up and worried so I want it to be painless. I am driving Brian nuts with my ideas and crap... I told him tough, and to deal. This is the only time I will ever get married and I want it to be nice... Especially since I have never really had anything in my life that made me feel so special. Everything besides meeting Brian and what not has always been mediocre at best. So its my time to shine and be the star for one day. Not to mention that I want to have my closest friends stand up for me too.

I have a few ideas of who I want but I want to make sure that they are willin first... I am not gonna have a maid of honor. I don't want any of my friends to be made to feel like that Danielle girl made me feel in Rochelle's wedding. That's why I didn't punch her out... cause it was Rochelle's wedding. And Besides, I can never pick just one person. I want them all to be my maids of honor. I will be truly honored if all of them would like to stand up with me and share my beautiful day...

So Brian is Irish and his mom thought that it would be cool to have an Irish theme... which is close to the Medieval theme that we talked about 4 years ago. All the guys wear kilts and my girls wearing something that kinda matches my dress. So I am diggin on that idea. She also said that we can have a bagpiper... How col is that???? AS LONG AS THERE IS NOOOOO IRISH FOOD! lol I am good. Irish food is the deal breaker lol

My friend Barb makes this awesome cheese dip and I would love for her to make that for the wedding omg... its so yummy. Thats all I will eat mmmm... SHERRY IS A PIGGY...


Next hurdle is talkin to my parents... a feat that I am not sure I am ready for....



Whiskey

Well today we are pickin up our rings and then heading over to Brian's parents house. I am quite nervous as to the reaction that we are going to get from them. Its be almost 4 years since I first met them and I have to say that they are growing on me. Hell, they have been more of a family to me that my own family. So I admire them quite a bit... but its still the feeling, I think, of trying to fit in and be the woman that their son deserves. So today will be the test.

His mom and I have talked about what I would or could possibly want in a wedding in the past, and every time I say the same things. I tell her that I just don't want it to be too big cause Brian and I are really quiet and private people. Since I don't really have my side to help with expenses, I am ever aware of what Brian and I CAN and CAN'T afford. Simple and elegant is all I want, not some huge thing that no one will ever remember.

I am going to write a letter to my mom and dad and tell them that I would really like them to take part in my wedding but if they chose not to then I will just have to understand. I do. I will then just have to find someone else to walk me down the aisle. But that would be really sad if they didn't even want to do that. But then again... they are the parents that never wanted anything to do with me anyway.

But I am so very excited so I am gonna hurry and finish here... so that we can get going. Brian is at the door and tapping his foot. I told him he can wait... lol

WISH ME LUCK... HERE IS TO THE BUTTERLIES !!!



Whiskey

Brian and I decided the other day that it was time to make something happen... We have been talking a lot about the future and he says that he cannot have a future that didn't include me in a major role. I asked him what that role was and said that it better not be like a sister... lol Needless to say I got a beatin... cause I am a brat.

We went to look for rings and we ordered the ones we liked and are officially now engaged again.

It's so funny that it took this long and a move away from the people and places that were effecting us, to get him to love me enough, or to decide that the timing was right to finally get married.

Well of course my diamonds aren't as big as the picture but they can be and that's what's really great about the store that we bought them from. When you want something bigger they put the amount of money that spent on the ring you have and you can trade it in to pay the difference of that and your new ring. Plus, if anything happens to your ring... they replace it. Isn't that awesome? So mine is a half carat to start out with. I was gonna get the full but decided that I wanted Brian to have his ring already and what not so that we didn't have to worry about it later. So he got his and I got mine and hopefully they will be in this week.

I AM SO EXCITED!


The only thing is.. We haven't told our parents yet. I know. I know they are supposed to be the first ones to know but we are waiting to tell his parents till we get the rings this week. My situation with my parents is a hard one. I am not sure if I want them to even take part... I have to think on that one. Who is to say that they even would want to, and if they didn't I don't know if I can go through that.

I really would like my dad to walk me down the aisle but I donno... its hard! gotta think about it.

But other than that I am really happy for once in my life!



Whiskey

So I am sitting here procrastinating about doing the laundry. The apartment complex FORGOT to give us a key to the damned laundry room so I had to wait over the holiday to do the wash... lol Needless to say.. I have a huge mountain that I know have to drag down there and do.

Here is the thing... we were expected to have all the money and all the info upfront and ready to go to get in here... why is it that they don't have to hold up to their part of the bargain and be responsible for the things that were supposed to be done BEFORE we moved in...?

Its Noon and I am waiting for the maintenace person to come over and fix the shit that needed to fixed before we moved in. So again because of the apartment people I have to wait around and not get my shit taken care of for the day. They need to fix the dishwasher cause it leaks... (don't ask how I found that out) I was takin a shower and the damned exhaust fan in there fell out of the ceiling and scared the shit out of me... that needs fixin. And then the morning after that... Brian was in the shower and had put his towel on the towel rack thing... well I was sleeping and it came crashing to the Floor. I WAS SO PISSED! I AM PISSED!

I am not working at the moment so I am able to wait here for the assholes to do their job but I have a feeling that they aren't coming. Big surprise right?

Man yall should have seen the list of shit that you had to write up about the apartment so that they didn't charge you for it when you move out. I know there had to be at least 50 things on there that WE had to include because they are so damn noticeable. AGAIN why can't these things be fixed BEFORE we got here? Oh and there were dead MAGGOTS on my Balcony.!!!! EWWWWW!!!

Lucky for us we were able to cover them up with the couch and other things that we own.

On a good note... Brian's mom and dad gave us lots of those big canning jars that we use to mix the scents, and pour our candles with. We had been using like 5 of the ones we had and had to keep washing them out over and over again which the wax clogs sinks. So now we have one for every scent. I am so excited... I want to start doing them more often cause I have the time... so KISS OF FIRE CANDLES may just be getting in gear...

Oh well... off to slave in the dungeon... he he laundry room.



Whiskey