I have been dealing with quite a bit since I Last posted. Lets go for the good things first.

I found a dress that I like. here it is .... http://www.ginnis.com/cgi-bin/description.asp?dress=G054ft.jpg I plan on doing a few things to make it fit with our wedding theme. Like in the front it has criss crossing ribbon on the bodice. I want to make that a hunter green as well as the lacing in the back. I also want that green. Then it will match my girls dress.

So I am excited. I ordered it and got measured and I tell ya... those shops really have small sizes I tell ya. A really tiny girl was in the shop when I went in and I know she wasn't more than a size 4 ok... she had to order a size 12 dress. So they run small. Isn't that wrong? And whats up with us plus size girls having to pay extra for just the size we are. I mean we have to do alterations anyway right? Oh well... Size 12 is plus sze lol. So I wasn't the only one lol

Another good thing is that I will be an aunt again. Brian's sister is pregnant. I am excited for them but its a double edged sword. I don't want to sound selfish but that means that she is going to want to have her shower and everything around the time that we are getting married. So I guess what I am saying is that it is something that is going to steal my thunder. Don't get me wrong I really am happy that they are having a child... it's just really shitty timing. I don't want to be walking down the aisle and someone asking her how far along she is... or taking attention from our day. His mom already forgot about the tasting that we had to go to on Sunday. Brian was upset about that. So we are talking about waiting to get married till next year so that we are not having to compete with other things that are going on. We still have to talk about that. We have alot of money into this already... I donno. All I know is that I don't want to have to compete for my day.

So I know I am a evil selfish bitch...

Oh well I guess.


Whiskey

Well I have tried several on at different stores. I have looked at all the websites that carry plus size wedding gowns but still have not found :. the one .: I really love the lace up back look and pretty sleave-less bodices with just a little embelishment on the skirt... Alas... so far they are either too much going on in those dresses or the ones that I see that I really like don't have the lace up back.

If you go to Alfred Angelo's site my favorite there is 1793 but on a bigger girl like myself I am unsure of the skirt having so much tulle and making me look like a big mush room. lol I guess I just need to find a store that does Alfred and go in and see what they say.

It's hard when you don't have a mom to take you to look... I have a mother but she is so avoiding me like the plague... I think she is afraid that I am gonna ask for money.

I have been fighting with myself for a long time now and have had many, many sleepless nights where I think nothing of how and when to ask them to help me pay for my less that $5 grand wedding and thats total. Brian's mom is pissed because of all the crap that I am going through with my mom and dad. I feel that $5000 is pretty damn cheap for a wedding that has 125 planned to be invited. Aside from my dress... the biggest expense is the catering and hall. Lucky for me its all together, the hall and the caterer and that includes everything for $20 a head. A steal for everything included.

So I feel that my parents should be able to at least do half. Brian and I are gonna be able to take care of the rest ourselves if we have to. We have lived together now for 4 years and we have everything that we would ever need so we are asking instead of gifts and registry things... just for money. Some think thats taboo... but really Brian's family knows how my family is being about contributing so the understand.

more to follow...