I haven't had the time in a while to write... I love yall and really really am sorry for not checking in. It is good though that people care and worry...

So with that said... I have had quite a bit happen in the last month or so...

#1... I got engaged again... to the same man... Brian
#2... We lost both of our jobs on December 2nd...
#3... We decided to move out of Owosso because of financial, economic reasons, and be closer to his family and in a better area for jobs...
#4... Bought furniture and a new mattress...
#5... Moved... scrubbed old apartment from top to bottom to ready it for the slum lord...
#6... Got rid of a lot of old baggage that weighed not only my physical being down but also my spiritual soul too. ie, people, places, things, and situations that were just stupid and detrimental to my happiness.

Let me say this... I HATE FUCKING MOVING! There I said it. I love the fact that my new place doesn't have any wasted space but it was the shit getting to this point that I hated and don't want to have to do anytime soon.

But in those few days of busting ass just to get out by the 30th of December... there were these brief moments where I could swear that I was on the right track in life... And that it was time to let go of a lot of ghosts that haunted my life.

So I think moving spurred something that maybe essential to me living a happy life...

I also went to MY family Christmas party this year and things ended up being pretty good. My mother and father were there and they were decent and didn't make me feel uncomfortable... or was it that I don't give a shit about what they think anymore? Either way Brian and I had a great time. My sister was there with the baby and she is a doll and is so cute. My mom adores the baby and that's the way that it should be. Grandparents are supposed to love their children's kids.

My dad actually talked to Brian... LOL go figure.

We finished getting the Owosso apartment completely cleaned and everything moved out on the 30th as planned. So now my new place looks all cluttered and what not.

I love this new apartment. It's in Grand Blanc and its all the way in the back of the complex and its nice and quiet. We live on the second floor and barely ever have to turn our heat on... There are lots of big mature trees around here in the back so its quite a nice lil place. Its really deceiving when you pull into the front of the complex buildings...

Brian set up the fish tanks for our fish and everything is getting sorted according to where its "supposed" to be. LOL. New apartment is quite a bit smaller than the old one but then again.. there isn't any wasted space. We just need to get rid of the things that we don't absolutely need... Which is hard because he wants to keep everything and won't compromise... I need my Aunt Jean to help us with that... she gets the shit out and takes no prisoners.

I am a little depressed about the job thing... I am am going to be collecting unemployment for a bit cause I am just burnt out from the whole bs that went on at the Mental Health company. So I am not completely hurting for money. Besides... I didn't have to work Christmas and won't have to work New Years... CHING! This is the first time in 4 years I haven't had to work it all. I miss the people that I worked for at the company but it wasn't worth having to sacrifice any more time on some job that wasn't going to get you anywhere unless it was more broke and living pay check to pay check ya know? So I am optimistic about trying to find new employment out in the new area. :)

OH! and the new place has a bathtub!!!! another CHING! 3 YEARS with out a bathtub in the place of residence takes a toll on a girl I tell ya. So my happy azz... layed in that tub till I was pruney. Especially after all the moving and lifting and other crap that we had to do. I thank god for the bathtub.

I am feeling a lot better with life... maybe it was the elimination of the shitty things and people that helped end my frustration with life and why things are the way they are. All in all... I feel pretty damn good and am awaiting the fighting that Brian and I will be doing about where to put things and what we need to toss out...

I look forward to this new beginning...



Whiskey

Well I haven't written in a while cause I wanted to get some kind of perspective as to what I want and what is happening. I am making candles again and Spiced Cranberry is what I have that is burning right now on my desk. Soy is great.. I love working with it and it basically sells itself. I don't think my company may ever get totally off the ground but I am making some for the holidays and everyone loves candles as gifts. So Kiss of Fire Candles is going to have to wait a bit to be started...



I saw my sister last Friday and we had a good visit. She actually came to me this time so that I didn't have to waste my time and energy going to her. Aurora is beautiful and is a blessing. I just wish that I could have such blessings. Shit I cannot even get a man that I have been with for 3 years to marry me, much less have him agree to want to have children... I am adding her pic here so that yall can see her.










Shelley plans on coming up again this Friday and I think I am gonna make Chicken Alfredo or something... we shall see.

I do have a lead on a job... although its not what I want to be doing and its for substatially less money than what I am being paid now... but its work. Where I live just to work is a blessing... So i may take this one... its one of the companies that is taking over for the company I work for now. But if something else comes up that I have applied to I will probably drop it like hot cakes and run to the other one so that I can feel more fulfilled.

So thats really where I have been... working and just playing my Sims online game and relaxing the best I can...

Its not all that good bt its not all that bad either...

I am just sitting here playing my sims online and relaxing cause I have to work tonight...

You know what really sucks? Is when you have to fight and finangle your way to see your sister or your niece. I made plans yesterday with my sister and I wasn't 15 minutes away from her house when I can and say ok lets meet somewhere cause I only have so much time to be around the area... and she informs me that BOB was hungry and that he wanted fucking pizza.

Ok this wouldn't have been a problem if say this hadn't happened before... like 4 times. Everytime I make plans with Shelley she fuckin HOES me out. And does she call me to say that she fuckin changed plans? FUCK NO! I have to be like 2 miles from my parents goddamned house and call her to fucking find out that I wasted $ 40 in gas and my fucking time because her asshole of a boyfriend was hungry for fuckin pizza. BOB couldn't wait fuckin 15 minutes more that the 30 it took for their pizza to be done and or delivered.

I have seen Aurora 2 times in the 6 months that she has been alive...its not from the lack of trying... Shelley has never come to me. Its because I had to come 2 hours from where I live and work... had to take fuckin time out of my BUSY HECTIC schedule just for her to fuckin tell me... BOB was hungry so we ordered pizza!

And maybe it is a lil unfair for me to say that he is an asshole... but I tell you what... he has had several chances with me and all he can do is live at my parents house, be married to some other woman (not my sister), have 2 other kids with said woman, be paying child support, and what is he doing for my sister and my niece...? A big goddamned nothing. He lives at my parents house he doesn't provide for my sister and the more money he makes the more goes to the other woman and those kids. Shelley will have to support his ass for the rest of her life if she stays with him.

Oh and the best part of all of it is.... he won't divorce the other woman because he doesn't have the money and my mother and father to this day, DO NOT KNOW HE IS MARRIED... So there you see my friends it is nothing but a vicious cycle and my sister and my niece and my parents are paying for it...

So at this point HELL NO I am not nice because he is influencing her not to see me not to keep plans with me and not to let me see my niece.

Frankly I am damn sick of it!

!!!ENRAGED!!!


So here is to you Shelley... I hope you wake up at some point before he ruins you and your life.


Whiskey

Well October 22 was our official 3 year anniversary... Ok I am gonna be 25 this coming year and because I am still stuck in a rut I have nothing... I have several opportunities to just get out and get my shit together...

WHAT MAKES ME STAY?

I am coming to the conclusion that I am INSANE! No one else would put up with the shit that I do on a daily basis, and no one would have stayed this long. All my friends know how he treats me when they aren't around and they tell me to leave... Maybe its me just wanting one thing in my life to go right. I don't know if its cause I am scared of the future or what but I know things are going to start changing very fast... Especially if I get this job that I have applied for and have an interview tomorrow morning at 11am.

If I get the job.. I don't think I will have time anymore for the silly bullshit. I will be forced to wake up and take either one of the opportunities or just move out on my own... Hell I have always been able to support myself... Why do I think I need a man to help in that?

So I know as I sit here and once again my heart has been broken by the same guy that has had practise for 3 years to destroy my world... that things will never be the same... I am not the same 22 year old girl that was looking so eagerly to be loved... I am not the same woman that last year fell silently into tears when his fathers side of the family... reduced me to a child because they failed to give any kind of thought into a gift that was suitable for a woman that was 23 years old. I am not the same woman that will let someone walk all over me... Nor am I the woman that will allow someone to use me as I once allowed many people to.

This last year has brought many changes and hopefully they will all be for the better.

Wish me luck on my interview...


Whiskey

I am unsure of what my life romantically will be in the future... But all I know is that I am seriously reEvaluating alot of what I want. I have put up with too much bs from the one that I was with for 3 years and I don't intend to give so freely of myself again. I swear that if another man tries to take all he can and then try to walk away... HE WON'T BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY! Maybe crawl... but not walk. Hell I don't even know if we are still dating... But I still live with him so this is gonna get interesting with other people showing up at the door...

Any single men out there?



Whiskey

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

I think I may buy my first one first??

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?

I love my yoga pants oh and my pink short sleaved shirt that and old friend gave me

3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?

I usually dont buy music, I rip it from the internet =) But I bought Sugarland at Sams' Club

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?

ugh 5pm ... I am a 3rd shifter at the moment

5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?

Coffee Pot


6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE?

piano and I want to learn guitar soon


7. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?

Neither


8. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?

Yes I do.


9. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?

My side of the mountain and the Polar Express... before the movie

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

Autumn


11. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I have the gift of Compassion for others and Comfort


12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?

I have one so far and its a trinity symbol...

13. CAN YOU JUGGLE?

no but I can multitask like you wouldnt believe =) ... dang I can too


14. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM THE PAST THAT YOU WISH YOU COULD TALK TO?

My Grandma Lily...


15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?

The day when I write a best selling Novel about my life or the when I write a country song about my life actually being a happiliy ever after ending


16. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?

2 folding lawn chairs... jar of pickles... spare tire... and all the trimmings for a turkey dinner.. lol oh and the partridge in the pear tree!


17. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?

Sushi all the way


18. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?

Took it from TJ


19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?

Daisy

22. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Vanilla Bean


23. BUTTER, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?

Home made.... I make the best popcorn

24. FAVORITE COLOR?

Neon Orange or Home Depot Orange

25. FAVORITE SANDWICH?

Veggie sub from Subway

26. ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?

Anywhere warm, with water nearby, and shady places to sit and read and just watch people

Hey!!! Where did #27 go?


28. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING?

Labels dont matter to me


Hey!!! And where did #29 go?


30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?

Icky Sports... Wrestling in the sack :)

31. COKE OR PEPSI?

Pepsi

32. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT OWL?

Vampire here


33. CAT OR DOG?

Both


34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME?

Angel

35. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEN'S COLOGNE?

Allure


36. HOW MANY CLOSE FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

3 not including my sister


37. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, IF YOU COULD?

Never having to worry about money. More steady income, not really filthy rich. =) I would also like to adopt alot of lil kids...


38. WHAT TALENT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD?

Playing the guitar


39. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GEM STONE?

Sapphire and Emeralds

40. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF, IF YOU COULD?

I am not sure If I would really change anything... I am pretty content with who I am at the moment

Well I went to the doc last Tuesday cause I was having dizzy spells and wanted to make sure that I was ok cause it was weird how they would come and go and make me feel completely sick for about an hour and then I was fine. I went to get my labs done again this year just to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong...

Well needless to say..... IRONICALLY..... I am the healthiest fat girl my doc has ever seen. How lovely right. No she basically meant that all my tests were perfect. No high blood pressure, no high cholesterol nothing... Everything was perfectly right in the middle where its supposed to be.

I then asked why then am I getting the dizzy spells... I described them again to her... and I didn't know she was a Christian at all... and she said to me.......... does it feel like a weight on your shoulders from your head to your neck and I am like yeah kinda like someone is sitting on my shoulders and covering me eyes.... She asks me if I had been doing anything out of the ordinary... like attending church services or somethin... and I go no, but I am reading this book...

Spiritual Warfare?

I was like umm you are fucking kidding me right... She was absolutely serious.

Ok again I am not an extremeist when it comes to my spirituality... I don't go to church because I haven't found one that nurtures like a church is supposed to... I don't run around telling people they are going to hell cause they don't believe in GOD the way that I do. I don't witness to anyone unless someone asks about what I believe. But I feel that I have a deep understanding and a close relationship with GOD.

So I am really kinda getting weirded out by the fact that she thinks that I am posessed or something at some level. LOL OK I GUESS IT COULD HAPPEN! Especially since I have been actin out of character when I felt sick and dizzy. Ok and I haven't really prayed... like seriously sat down and prayed and communed in a long time. Ok well... since my youth paster Ron Little decided he was a pervert and called phone sex lines from our home church and made the church pay for it. That shit messes with your head. Here was this man that was part of the leadership in my church and I had told this man GOD knows what and I trusted him. Rochelle and I were devastated for a long time after that.

So in essence what she told me was come to church with me and we will make you right again. I was really offended at this point. So I took the card that she gave me from her church to be polite and asked me to please call the pastor or to come to one of the woman's Bible studies....

OK I REALLY DON'T LIKE ALOT OF WOMEN. And my idea of a great Tuesday night was not sitting in a room full of old ladies who will sit there and speak in tongues and try to exorcise me while my head spins and I vomit.

So I went home. Healthier than any horse I know... and still scared out of my head.

I went to get the book that I have been reading... and the very next chapter... was about Spiritual Warfare! FUCKING FREAKING ME OUT MAN!

I TELL YOU WHAT! MY ass was at mass on Saturday!! and I have read and reread that chapter 3 times and have prayed every time that I have been afflicted with the dizzyness. Everytime I do it stops instantly. I am not a catholic... but I tell you what... I know the fear of something else out there that is being vengeful and its not my GOD.

Thank you GOD for all the blessings that you bestow upon me everyday. I pray in your graceous name that you rebuke the nastiness from my body and you release whatever is afflicting me! In Jesus' name I pray... AMEN!

WEDDING PART II

Ok so I woke up at about 6am and sat in bed for a few minutes, then started the coffee in the lil coffee maker that they provide in the hotel room. Got in the shower with all my soaps and shampoo and what not. Had a nice shower and relaxed and took my time... I am already nervous at this time and am just tryin to be as calm as possible and just relax. Schedule says that I have to be ready an downstairs at 10 and thats fine. Hair appointments were at 11am.

So I got ready and made sure to be comfy so that I didn't feel up tight or anything. So Rochelle, Danille and Nicole and I, went in Danielle's car and Randy and Rochlle's mom (MA)went in Ma's car.

Danielle cannot drive... I cannot even remeber how many times I thought she was gonna hit another car on the way to Ann Arbor.

I didn't know what I wanted my hair to look like so I went through a few book and still didn't know when Moira came to get me and do my hair. I told her that she could do what she wanted and she could be the creative designer. Just as long as it wasn't ugly. So I ended up with a half up and half down braided thing with lots of curls...lol I loved it! Ok so I am a weirdo. Danielle had a picture of the way that she wanted and her stylist did it and it was great... But she hated it! OMFG is she ever happy with anything?

Rochelle's hair was simply beautiful and she had her veil put in it so she was beautiful. Hey she is gorgeous as is... so there was not much that they had to do to improve her... In my case I need some plastic surgery and a wreckin ball... lol jk.

So... the entire time Danielle is bitchin about Ma and how she is acting and what not. I need to explain a bit about Ma... She is a very strong willed person especially when it comes to Rochelle and sometimes she is very difficult to get along with. I would be too. Rochelle is her only child. She sometimes goes over the top about things... but she is a great person and decent to the core. This woman was the one that took me in when my family had forsaken me... So she is still My Ma... And in the eye of GOD Rochelle and her are my real family.

So this is Ma's and Rochelle's day. She is the MOTHER of the BRIDE... Danielle treated her the entire day like some person off the street and made her feel like shit. As she did to me most fo the time that I was there too.

Ok so anyway we are now on our way back to the hotel lookin all hot like we did. We had about an hour and a half to finish getting ready and what not till we went to the country club where we were gonna help Rochlle put her dress and what not on. So I went up to my room to get my things and I told Rochelle what the room number was just in case she wanted to go quicker or something. I get my make up on and stuff and I go through my suitcase to find my brand new clear strapped bra... ITS NOT ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND!

Ok so needless to say I am fuckin hysterical cause I don't have the money to just go out and buy another one because the dress ended up costing so much more than I expected. Ok so I said to myself "Whiskey... WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO?" 15minutes went by and it came to me....


DUCT TAPE!!!!


I ran downstairs to my car cause I had left some in there after work one day... and low and behold my savior i had in my hand. lol. Ok you are think you are a fuckin nut, but I tell you what... IT WORKED!!!

I wrapped my shit up and made it look like I had a corset on... threw on the top part f my dress and discovered that the bra lining cups that they so called "created" was sewed to my armpits... lol... i had to rip one of the seams out on each side of the dress in the cups and make them the way I wanted them... ok So I basically duct taped those into place too. GOD IS SOOO GOOD TO ME!!! He created duct tape just for that moment so that he could laugh at me.

So at this point I put the skirt on and everything finally fit right after haveing to duct tape my boobs to my dress. I sigh because I am relived and I look good... crisis solved...

Well only to walk straight into a new and hurtful crisis... I call Ma's Room where the girls are and Ma tells me to come down to her room. I get down there and a groomsman I had met the night before said that they just left. So I go to Ma's room like she told me to and knock on the door thinking that she is in there and just in the bathroom or something. NOPE! THEY HAD ALL LEFT WITHOUT ME.

So I turn around and Danielle is callin down the hall for me and she is like why are you dressed? I in my most nicest voice that I could muster at that point was like "Where is everyone?" She said "Well they all left cause we thought that you would drive yourself." I turned around like the exorcist (pretty sure my head spinned) and walked straight back towards my room. She follows me and goes "Sharee come on?" I said, "No Bitch! I will drive my fucking self!"

So I am a fuckin mess. I go to my room to get my fuckin wallet, keys to the car, my fucking cell phone, and the rest of my shit cause I was so ready to just fuckin walk out at that point and call Danielle's ass up and say look bitch now you are gonna have to tell Rochelle the reason why she is one Bridesmaid short! I got in my car... I prayed and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I sat there and cried for a good 15 minutes... I had held everything inside myself for the last 6 months to get to this day where I could celebrate my friends happiness with her and some bitch wants to ruin it... I so lost it! FUCK GRACE! LOL anyway i sat there and calmed myself and since they weren't any where near ready I still had time to just drive for a bit so I drove past the country club and parked in the country and breathed. I took out my makeup wipes and took off the black stream of mascara that was on my face, redid my face, and went to the country club so that we could get it over with...

Ok so that wasn't the last time that she tested me and Ma. Ma had said that she was going to help Rochelle into her dress and Danielle right away snapped at her and took that one moment away from Ma. The mother of the Bride was not allowed to help her only daughter, only child, put on her wedding dress. I am saddened by this because I would want my mom there helping me with my dress.. but we don't get along.. so thats not going to happen either.

Ma held her tongue and I am so proud of her... But she shouldn't have had to do it. So the whole time me and Ma had to be in check and NO ONE corrected Danielle!! NO ONE! I wish I had the balls at that moment to just take her out and set her straight.

So finally it is time to walk the aisle and we did and Rochelle was beautiful... All the guys looked really good in their tuxes... Rochelle walked down the aisle with Ma and I cried... thanks god for kleenex tissue. There my sister was getting married...

It went faster than I thought it would. We were done and we walked out to do more pics and I got the most awesome comment from someone that I would never had guessed would say something but I will protect their identity... they said to me "You are absolutely gorgeous!" I knew they meant it too... so my mood was changed from psycho exorcist vomminting bitch to hey someone thinks I AM HOT! LOL.

After that everything was great... no worries... the food was great... The alcohol much better... I danced and told my groomsman not to look down my shirt or he would get an eye full of duct tape. lol he and I laughed.

All in all I am so fuckin glad that I won't have to deal with Danielle in a power position again. I won't put myself through holding my tongue again. I will plow her ass the next time she even looks at me funny.

The wedding was beautiful!

I said my good byes to Rochelle and Ma and I went back to the hotel and had the damndest time tryin to take off the DUCT TAPE without ripping my boobs off. I did and layed down and just as I was about to fall into sleep.... the damn phone rang lol.

It was Ma and I went down to her room and we talked for a good hour... I helped her take off her dress and we discovered lol that she had not taken the tag that the dress maker put on the inside of the dress off. She wore it all night long. Thank god it was on the inside and not on the outside. I would have caught it if it was...

I love you Rochelle and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Just that if you get married again, Danielle better not be the MAID OF HONOR. I won't hold back again... :) tee hee



yall don't laugh too hard at my expense lol i love DUCT TAPE... This girl is never wearing a bra again! Woot!

Whiskey

WEDDING PART I

Well I drank... And drank.... And OH... I drank some more! LOL

Ok so I am not a big drinker... I never have been but I did drink more that I usually do...

Lemme start at the beginning. The very best place to start....


I got to the dress shop in Plymouth and discovered that my dress alterations were not just $115 as planned but much much more! $200 to be exact. Add that to the actual cost of the dress which was $169. So total cost for the dress itself was $369... that truly was alot more than I ever even considered spending on any event... But ok so the dress was nice... Color was great...

My jaw dropped to the floor and I paid them for the dress... so that was the first surprise of the day... which was on Saturday.

I had previously on Friday gotten my manicure and pedicure here in town so that I didn't have to pay $65 for both where the other girls went. So I am trying to cut my costs where I can because I am not well off at the moment and don't have money to just throw at anyone ya know. So the girls were still getting their nails and what not done while I picked up my dress. I called them to see when they were going to be done... Danielle picks up Rochelle's phone... Rochelle is the Bride and Danielle is the evil "Maid of honor" who doesn't act honorable. So she answers the phone and says "WHAT!"...

Obviously she knows it was me cause my name comes up on her cell as duh Sharee... All I wanted to know was... is it ok for me to try to check into the hotel early while you are still busy out there. I ask her to ask Rochelle this and Danielle gives me the attitude as usual and says give me a sec... so all I hear is her hand on the talk area of the phone so that I cannot hear what she is saying... So I don't get the answer to my question I get a direct order...

She says that Rochelle will meet me at the hotel when she gets there. She fuckin hung up the phone after that... Ok so I am still calm cool and collected and I wait in the parking lot of the hotel and wait and fuckin wait... it was over an hour and by the schedule they were an hour late... I finally gave up and walked into the lobby and just asked if I could check in early and they said yes... so I did.

So I get up to the room and just drop off the dress and what not so that I am not worried about getting out and doing it later after the rehearsal dinner... I get a call from Danielle and she says that were supposed to be meeting at the Olive Garden for a quick lunch... I go down to the lobby and Rochelle is there waiting for me so that was cool. I follwed her to the restaurant only to discover we have less than a half hour to eat and then get ready for the rehearsal. Danielle and her nicer sister Nicole were already eating and had ordered for Rochelle and I and we just had the soup and salad thing. So we hurried and I paid for lunch. No big deal cause I didn't get those expensive nails done...

So we went to the hotel and of course I am ready for the rehearsal because I didn't know if I was going to be able to check in or not... and I also live 2 hours from Livonia. Ok so I go back up to my room and just brush my teeth and make sure my makeup is still on straight lol... And i get into my car and drive to where we are having the wedding. I sit there for a good half hour before anyone shows up...

If you are going to type up a schedule for people to follow... are you not yourself supposed to follow it?

So after everything got going the rehearsal went well.

We went to Genitti's Hole in the wall in Northville for the dinner and that was awesome...

I had a great time with a few of Rochelle's friends... Randy and Scooter (David) Scooter was the groomsman that walked with me down the aisle... and Randy is his wife. She was also Rochelle's wedding planner...

I went back to the hotel and put my jammies on at around 9pm and relaxed for a few minutes till I got a phone call that they other girls wanted to go to a movie... At first I said yes, but then after i stood up and realized that it was now like 10pm and I had worked Friday night and we had to be up before 8am to make it to our hair appointments at 11am... For me I just couldn't swing it... I was so tired...

So I am relaxing and justunpacking and I lay down to go to bed and there is a friggin knock at the door just as I was drifting off... Rochelle's mom had asked the front desk people to put a box of Godiva Chocolates on her pillow for her. So I called her and of course she was still out at the movie and her phone was off and I left a message on the voicemail that if she got in before 1 or 130am to just come up and get it or I will give it to herin the morning... So I waited and then finally at 130am I went to bed. So I ended up stayin up anyway and again waiting on other people.

I slept well...



Whiskey

Just a note:

I am on my way to the wedding event of my life... I am letting my best friend Rochelle walk down the aisle with someone that I barely know... ugh I like him but I donno if he is right for her and I want all the happiness for her and nothing else ya know.

So my nerves are shot and I have spent so much friggin money on this damn dress and everything to go with it that I am just in denial about all of it...

I just gotta think BREATH!!! LOL

And have GRACE!!! LOL

cause I will floor her fucking Maid of honor is she even speaks funny to me... looks at me in any way but straight! Cause I don't care at this point ya know... I just want this done and over with so that I don't have to deal with her shitty ass attitude anymore.

So with that I leave you and hopefully I look and feel as pretty and graceful as I want to be...

Wish me luck so I don't kill her!!! lol



Love yall

Whiskey

Take the quiz: "What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=771">"What Is Your Kink?"

Submission
You live to serve! You're most excited when someone else takes the reins and controls the situation. You're happy to do whatever will make your partner happy, even if it isn't your favorite thing to do. In the bedroom, you aim to please. Your motto is, Yes Sir/Ma'am!

Tramp Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are all about nature, and you have a beautiful
soul. Your wedding dress reflects that
sensitivity perfectly. Any guy would be lucky
to have you.


Your perfect Wedding Dress (with pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla


So in other words ladies and gents I am a TRAMP, I am Cute and Psycho, and I love nature wooot I am my own RIOT! Damn why can't I be Asexual too! lol


Whiskey

Not trapped anymore!

Ya its like this yall... I am no longer the girl that gets stepped on. I have always been that person until recently because I was ashamed to be a woman that has an opinion... Ashamed that I may piss someone off and not everyone would like me.

Now I just don't really give a crap if you take issue with me... Not to be insensitive or anything... I am not the person that I was 2 years ago that let people... parents and family.. walk all over me... If you are my friend you better treat me like a friend or your ass is getting booted... I am really sick of fairweather people coming into my life.. taking advantage of my giving heart and spirt... and just leaving me broken in despair and just plain tired and sick.

I am all used up and won't be used anymore!


Whiskey

OK I am so pissed at this moment I wanna fly through the roof...

Not everything in this world is about you... You know who you are!

Again if my messenger is fuckin online that does not mean that I am too... I set all of my messengers away.. ALSO... I AM NOT THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON THAT USES MY COMPUTER!!! If you cannot handle that then take a hike...

Just because my friend signed onto friggin AIM messenger accidentally on my name DOES NOT mean that I am ignoring your ass...

Just because I have been a collared slave before does NOT mean that I will bend down and kiss your ass just because you say move... You are not my master... At this point I do NOT wish to be mastered...

A red head is a blonde that hasn't gotten the fire fucked out of her yet... right?

If you cannot understand that I have more things going on in these fucking next few months, besides you... then I am sorry... I just cannot have you around.

Don't call... Don't write... Don't Argue...

I will not make a liar out of your ass...

I now will ignore you...



NEXT!

Great Day!



Well I had my last fitting for the dress for Rochelle's Wedding. OMG! I love this fuckin dress. Ok I am not the smallest chicky on the block as in weight wise but I looked absolutely fuckin hot in this dress. I cannot wait to have pics taken at the wedding. Bad thing is... lol the other two bridesmaids are sticks so here I am lol walking between two sticks so I look like the big oak tree. And I am taller like majorly taller than both of them... Oh well I will have a great time no matter even a certain hooch tries to make it a horrible affair for me.

So I have my awesome shoes and my dress I will have Friday and I will be all set...

Major Kudos go out to my friend Rochelle... She took me to a spa day thing and It was sooo friggin awesome... I swear if the lady that was giving me a massage was even a lil bi I would have taken her home... It was such a great time. So we got massages and they washed and lotioned our feet... And the atmosphere was great... Its in the middle of Ann Arbor and the place and its people were great to us. Day was beautiful so they brought all their massage equiptment outside and we sat in this beautiful garden and got our massages and foot baths... I was soo relaxed afterward...

OK.. OK... I confess... I damn there fell asleep a few times during the massage. Oh, and I yeah I had to resist moaning when they massaged my feet...lol

But it was great and I give HUGE Thanks to Rochelle for setting that up...

Best part... It was her treat. :) I LOVE HER!

Video code provided by HotCodez.com

There is a new guy on the block here at the Whiskey Blog...

Mr. Dickie Wiggles

woot! Look at him go!!! lol




Shake it woo hoo!

I LOVE LIFE!! LOL Sorry I am a nut today




Love yall


Whiskey the nut

This is for The Men



Thank yall also for reading and leaving loving comments....
WISH IT WERE CANDY OR SOME BOOZE
oh and a Diamond ring would be nice too just from
one or two of yall ok
but comments and love do it for me too

love yall



Whiskey

This is For the Awesome Girls :)



I just want to let all you girls know that read me... That I love your comments and that I am so glad that there are people out there that really give a damn ya know. You guys are the greatest.... I am glad that we all stumbled into eachother :)Love yall

this is for you all!

I am doing fairly well... I am reading this book and things are just coming from out of no where and opening up doors that I had thought were long ago shut and locked never to return to them. I think I have come to terms with a lot of things in my life and understand that I am not the only one hurting. I now realize that my mom and dad... No matter how hateful they were to me... Were probably mistreated as children too. Its just really sad that the cycle is finally going to be broken with me. I also realize that they are broken souls too. Its not excusing what they did to me and my sister and each other when I was younger.. Its just that I understand that they could possibly have been going through more than I knew at the time.

My father was never there for me or my sister... He was ALWAYS up north at the family cabin when he wasn't working... I always wondered why he felt the need to spend so much time there and away from us... Well when I was 21 and on my own my sister called me... She said that dad was arrested last night and that she wanted to see me about why...

Come to find out only... umm 15 years after the fact... My dad had been sleeping with my 15 year old (by marriage) cousin. So from the time that I was 5 till I was 21... My dad had been the biggest hypocrite... There is nothing that I ever did as a teenager that would ever measure to that.

After my sister and I got together and she told me why he was arrested just everything in the past 15 years perfectly made sense... He single handedly let our family fall apart... Every time that I needed him he was up there and having extra marital affairs with this bitch... Everytime that I needed him he was fucking her... I think that was the day where I knew that obviously there was more to the story of why my parents are the way they are and why they acted this what toward each other.

I guess my mom didn't know either till he was arrested because the bitch "Shannon" decided that after 15 years she needed help paying her way in life... I am sorry I know my dad didn't rape her cause she was with my dad for years after their first contact.

Anyway here is the post of what I had to say when I found out....

Friday, July 04, 2003

I don't know what you were thinking. Hell, I don't even want to know. It explains a lot. Why you never wanted to be home, why you always had to be up-north, why you couldn't ever be there for us when we needed you to be. And to tell you the truth it was never really about us. Was it?

15 YEARS!!!

15 fucking years of you telling us how to be and teaching us the supposed "right thing" to do. You gave up on me when I was 12, so this isn't about me...

How fucking dare you do this to her...?
How could you do this to "us" as a family...?

And sit on it for 15 years....And you stood there telling me how much of a fuck up I was, you let me feel like shit the entire time that I was in school, my whole life, because you didn't care. You couldn't even change for the better after the accident and still you lie to us.

You make Shelley and I feel worthless compared to your money and your cabin and your boats and your toys...You don't care about what happened to our lives, you never did take any interest in us until we got our report cards...

I hate me!!! I've always hated me, I have never been able to measure up to the icy heights of your expectations. Every time I tried to do something, anything to make you proud of me, you throw me back down. I will never be good enough for anything...

I have to look at you every day. I have to face the mirror that looks like you and talks like you because I am a female clone of you. I will never be good enough...I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny enough... No man would ever want me... I'm a whore... I'm a drunk... I'm a druggie... That's what you think...

All I wanted from you was to be loved and you couldn't even do that. You were never there all the times I needed you and all the times when I needed someone to talk to...To think I forgave you for all the times you cursed and swore at us...All the things that you said to us to purposely hurt us...

You, single handedly, let our family fall apart...

I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!!!


Whiskey

OK I just think that this article was great... Its about this family that put there children in a christian school to have them not only have a good education but to be able to have the knowledge of God and religion so that they could make their own judgement about their faith... Well the family consists of two Lesbians... So that surly makes their motives wrong for their children?

So these so called "Christians" kicked the children out of school purly because of their mothers sexual orientaion. Lets teach our children that biotry is the answer to all annoyances like two women who love their children enough to put them them in a good school... ugh.... sigh.... So are they saying that if I was a hooker... or I was a stripper... or even someone who enjoys the occasional black leather wearing Master... that our children would be tossed out of a school that we pay for? Just because of that? Hell No! because the government and President like the strippers and hookers cause how else would they get their Republican and Presidential rocks off?

Ya know anything to further the career of main stream christians that completely take the BIBLE out of context and bend the sacred words to make themselves sound right and fit their motives.

So... anyway here is the link to the article... caught it and was just interested of why people cannot just let people live...

I am not all for Lesbians and I certainly am not one... but I believe that the BIBLE says something completely different than what President Bush claims it does!

Article in Question

Hell just cause of my blog name I am sure that you would think or assume that I am a heavy drinker, a drunk, or I work in a bar, or I love Toby Keith... None of those inferences are true...

ok enough of my rant

Whiskey

~::Captivating::~

My bestest friend Rochelle is truly my sister in the eyes of God and in my heart. There is no doubt that she was truly meant to be my best friend. I love her so and I am kinda jealous that she is getting married cause I want to keep her all to myself... cause so far she has been the best thing that I have ever found and been able to keep as a close and personal relationship.

Yesterday... I recieved my formal invitation to the wedding and she also sent a thank you note for her Wedding Shower along with this book... OMG! So far I have not been able to put it down... and when I do I cannot stOp thinking about it.

I made this a link to where I found the book the cheapest for reference.

Captivating
Unveiling the Mystery of a
Woman's Soul

by John and Stasi Eldredge

Ok I am the first to tell you that I am not a holy roller for Jesus but I believe... I am not a big fan of the whole organized church thing and most of the time I would not recommend something that only makes you feel worse as you read it telling you how somehow you don't measure up to what God wants and how if you follow these 15 million simple rules you will be created equal at some point.... Ok those kind of books are not my cup of tea. So I won't tell you to read those cause I won't try to push myself on anyone... with that said and hopefully understood...

This is THE ONLY one that I will recommend so far... I read this book and I tell you in my heart of hearts and as honest as I could ever be... These people are writing my life word for word... Why I am the way I am... What happened to me while I was a child. Everything!

In just the first 3 Chapters... I have a more clear... Crystal Clear... look into myself that I have never had before. They didn't write this book to make money... even though I know they will... Its truly because they know that we all as women have lost ourselves... We don't know who we are... And that we create and outward image to hide the pain of what we have gone through... They know that we go day to day just trying to survive with ourselves as we are... And there is still something missing no matter what we do.

Ok I am 24 and I am basically telling you, begging you, that it is so worth going to the store... running to the store, to just get this to try it out. If you cannot read it and do not like it after the first few chapters please by all means take it back... But for me and the women I know are hurting and quietly dieing inside... its worth the few pennies that this book will take to buy and if it gives you at least some sense of what I have already gotten from just reading the first 100 pages, then I am sure that there has to be something in it for you.

Please just check it out... Or sit at Borders with a warm cup of your favorite coffee and just read the first 100 or so pages... Just give it a chance... who knows I may be right....

I just have this feeling... of finally understanding myself and I know that I am on my way to becoming...
WHOLE

I love all my fellow women especially the ones, like me, who are still seeking out and searching for something real to hold onto about why we are and feel the way we do...
Empty...?

Love yall,


Whiskey

I'll spread my wings and learn how to fly....
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky...
Make a wish. Take a chance. Make A change....
Break Away!



I'll spread my wings and learn how to fly....
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye...
Take a risk. Take a chance. Make A change....
Break Away!

5 things that TJ wanted me to do:

5 things to do before I die:
1. Become Independant
2. Own 1 brand new car
3. Get an Awesome Job that I Love
4. Meet a man that really loves me
5. Have children or adopt

5 things I can do:
1. Sing
2. Write Poetry
3. Make others feel good
4. Multitask like a pro
5. Make people laugh so hard they pee theys pants :)~

5 things I can't do:
1. Find damn silver 1 3/4 heel pretty shoes for the wedding
2. Have the balls to do what my heart desires
3. Keep my hair Red, turning gray at 24,its red damnit really
4. Forgive my dad for letting our family fall apart
5. Forgive my parents for taking in a stanger instead of
helping their daughter become a decent women!

5 things that attract me to a man:
1. Ability to Love Unconditionally
2. Sense of humor
3. Smart-NOT like open an encyclopedia to prove you wrong smart
4. Spontaneously Romantical :)~
5. Sense of self .. as in confident and out going

5 things I say most often:
1. FUCK ME!
2. Damn It!
3. Shit!
4. good lord!!!!
5. oooh... yes yes yes yes!

5 celebrity crushes:
1. Keith Urban
2. Toby Keith
3. Marilyn Manson
4. Ewan McGregor
5. and oh 50 CENT lol

I know what you are thinkin... OMG SHE IS A FREAK! LOL

5 people I'd like to do this list:
Heidi
Mija
Lily
Gina
ME ME ME

NATURAL HIGHS

Yall.... dur I am sooo wasted!!! lol

~ falling in love

~ laughing so hard you face hurts or you pee your pants.. lol

~ a hot shower

~ a candlelit bath

~ no lines at Walmart

~ a special glance

~ getting mail

~ taking a drive on a pretty road

~ warm blanket and a good book

~ warm fuzzy sweaters

~ Autumns changing colorful leaves

~ Cider Mills and their evil sugar covered donuts (yummy)

~ hearing your favorite song on the radio

~ lying in bed listening to the rain outside

~ hot towels right out of the dryer

~ finding the sweater you want ON sale for half price

~ oreo cookie blizzards

~ a long distance phone call

~ giggling

~ a good conversation

~ finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter

~ laughing at yourself and knowing people think you're nuts... lol
( I am accused of this often LOL )

~ midnight phone calls that last for hours

~ running through sprinklers

~ laughing for absolutely no reason at all

~ knowing that people are looking at you like you are a nut

~ having someone tell you that you are beautiful or sexy

~ knowing that person really means what they say when they say it

~ laughing at an inside joke

~ friends

~ accidentally hearing someone say something nice about you

~ waking up and realizing that you have a few hours left to sleep

~ your first kiss

~ making new friends or spending time with old ones

~ playing with a new kitten

~ having someone play with your hair

~ sweet dreams

~ hot chocolate

~ ummm chocolate PERIOD .... need I say more?

~ road trips with friends

~ swinging on swings

~ Running your feet through warm sand on your favorite beach

~ feeling the cool lake water on your skin right before you jump in

~ Christmastime feelings

~ Grandma and her genuine warmth

~ freshly brewed coffee at Grandma's at 5 in the morning

~ hell freshly brewed coffee anywhere

~ song lyrics printed on the inside of the new CD so you can sing along

~ going to a really good concert

~ making eye contact with a cute stranger

~ winning a really competitive game

~ the smell as you bake cookies or bread

~ having your friend send you something they baked

~ spending time with a close friend

~ seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends

~ holding hands with someone you care about

~ riding horses over and over again

~ watching the sunrise

~ taking in a sunset

~ getting one of the best and strongest hugs that make you feel safe

~ running into old friends

~ Spending time with children

~ knowing that someone out there is so in love with you

If there are any you can think of let me know cause I am sooo feelin them too :)



Whiskey

Isn't it sad that in today's day and age we have to basically screen and pick apart possible friends and possible lover's or mates... We cannot just meet someone and let fate take over... We simply cannot just fall in love blindly... Those that do usually end up in a early grave.

I met this guy a while ago... Talked with him wel...l for about a month... was from my home town area... pretty much was perfect on paper... Liked country music, drank coffee, and pretty much wanted a family and seemed to have the ideal mind set of what I was looking for. Well we even talked on the phone for quite a while. I really liked that he made time for my 3rd shifter butt... and would talk with me when he had the time during the day as well...

Ok, I am so not perfect so I am not looking for perfect.

So we finally meet... I had a whole day that I wanted to devote to doing things down in my home town area because it had been awhile since I had been around there and also a long time since I had a day off... So We met for breakfast early lunch and I was going to pay and he got upset about that... thats ok cause sometimes its nice to be taken out ya know... so I gave in. So no big deal. Went to his house so that we could take his car back and then went to pay a bill for him.

Then we went shopping and looking around and what not. You see I am a go with the flow type person. I really don't ever have a set thing that I wanna do because I am curtious to the other people that I am with so that if they want to do something they can say so and no big deal. As long as I don't have to give up my moral standing on whats happening... (remember this comment for later)

So we got gas and what not cause we drove around a bit and went to get coffee out in West Bloomfield and my favorite place. We sat and talked and I thought things we going well and that he and I were having a good time... and it was possibly looking like we were a good thing... So I lean in to try to give him the hint that its ok to kiss me but he ignores me! So we continue to talk and just have a good time and he is rambling on about something and I am ready to get going and then he kisses me and says that he had to MAKE me wait, and that it was a test basically. UGHHH I HATE ASSES LIKE THAT! I am not in fucking highschool anymore. So that irked me... can you tell?

So we went window shoppin again and then he made the suggestion that we should call my friends who lived close by and see if they wanted to get dinner with us... So I did and we went and picked them up and went to get Chinese... I LOVE CHINESE!

But the entire time all he did was talk to them... kinda ignoring me... and I couldn't get a word in edge wise.... And then he started in on talking about how guns are the answer to all his problems and that anyone who hurts him with get their heads blown off and how he comes up with unique ways to take people out... Or how he has all these connections... how he and his friends liked to kill some animals.. there is hunting and I am all down for that as long as the eat or donate the meat and what not... But this was pure madness....

And this was someone that I was considering spend a lot of time with not to mention having kids... So the jist of this story is that if people are going to be unstable... don't do it around me...

Oh and don't expect me to put out on the first date just because you fed me and so called wasted like 45 dollars on the day. I AM NOT A FUCKING WHORE.... and if I was... I would be way too expensive for your ass buddy!!! Besides I have morals and I WILL NOT FUCK YOU ON THE FIRST DATE. You are insane to think it will happen even 2 months after the first date...

Matter of fact you won't get any till you get your ass tested for everything under the sun... I have been through a scare with disease and I WILL NOT do it again...

Moral of the story ladies is trust no one till you go on the first date and after they hand you a piece of paper that states that they are completly clean of all nasty taint and disease! There is no better gift than knowing your partner is not gonna kill you in the end!

NO MAN IS WORTH THAT AGONY!! NO ONE IS.



Whiskey

Its the stones in the path of the water that give the mountain stream its music.

What a wonderful quote.

I know that every obstacle or "stone" that I step on or overcome in life... will make me stronger as a person. It will give me the story of greater achievement for I had nothing handed to me. I feel proud to say that everything that I have comes from me working my ass off and learning to be a decent human being. My parents taught me nothing and gave me nothing to be prepared for real life. They robbed me of my innocence and my childhood and for that I will never forgive them.

Now that I have let go of such things and have started my own life... I am stronger... better equiped to take on horrible events and such.

I am precious and my friends.. whom are my real family... are quite precious as well. I hold them more dear than anything or anyone in my life. For them... I am thankful and ever greatfully fulfilled... All new found friends are included..

Whiskey

What would you do if you had nothing to lose and had a win/win opportunity to get ahead in life... What if you could have everything handed to you after so many years of heart ache and toil... Working so hard to get ahead but always falling just an inch short of what you needed. If you had the chance to change most of the shitty things that happened to you but retained the memory and the emotional heart renching that it caused... would you do it?

If you had a chance to rise from nothing and become a whole person just by retreat... would you do it? Would you jump into something that would set precendence over the rest of your life?

I need some guidence on this one yall!!!



Whiskey

"Life should not be measured by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away"

"Do what you want and say what you feel because those who
matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
(Dr. Seuss)



Whiskey

If you like to be silly with your love sometimes, here's a fun thing to do:

Walk up to them with a big ol' smile on your face, and say, "pick a number between one and ten"

...don't explain why, just tell them to do it.

When they make a guess at it, lean in close and whisper

"Nope, you lose. Take off your clothes." :-) ~


Whiskey

Motorcycle Driveby

Summer time and the wind is blowing outside in lower Chelsea.
And I don't know what I'm doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
It crashes through the windows,
And I'm sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew,
That I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid,

And there's this burning,
Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone,
And I've never been so alive.

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes,
And you don't mind,
you smile,
And say the world doesn't fit with you.
I don't believe you,
You're so serene.
Careening through the universe,
Your axis on a tilt,
You're guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,

And there's things I would like to do that you don't believe in,
I would like to build something,
But you'll never see it happen,

And there's this burning,
Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone,
And I've,I've never been so alive,

And there's this burning,
There is this burning ay ay ay.

Where's the soul. I want to know,
New York City is evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time,
We'll be friends again.
I'll get over you, you'll wonder, who I am.

And there's this burning, Just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, alone, alive, alive, I've never been so alive, so alive

I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain.
I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise,
The sun goes down in my eyes,
See this rolling wave,
Darkly coming to take me home,
And I never been so alone,
And I've never been so alive

i found these facts in someone's diary.. its a real eye-opener:

Thinking about suicide? Think about this!

You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.

Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts:

Suicide is not usually successful.

You think you know a guaranteed way?

Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone.

What about jumping?

Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain- damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.

What about pills?

Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.

What about a gun?

Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide.

You might too.

But...

Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned?

Your father?

Your mother?

Your wife?

Your son?

The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.

Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.

You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.

They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.

You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it?

Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.

And we'll work with whatever you have left.
And besides Suicide is too easy of a way out... Whatever, who ever, is making you feel this way is gonna win even if you attempt it. I'd rather make my enemies suffer and deal with me, instead of letting them win!!!

IF YOU’RE READING THIS, PLEASE STEAL IT AND PUT IT IN YOUR JOURNAL TOO


Whiskey

Well there are going to be some changes around here. I found someone really cool to try to make a cool look for my blog that isn't sooo typical blogger. Her blog is so gorgeous and everyone simply must look at it. her work is simply GORGEOUS. So I am jealous of her wondrous talent. I have Paint shop pro but have not as of yet figured the darn thing out. So hopefully pretty soon you will see something prettier than this light house thingy. :)

http://www.his-mija.sirknightsrealm.com/


Whiskey

I quite fondly remember as a younger person driving with my father (way before the accident) either on the way up north to our cabin in Hubbard Lake or on the way to my grandparents house in Ocqueoc. We would leave super early in the morning to avoid the rush of the day traffic from Farmington Hills. My dad would always pack his green and silver thermos that contained freshly brewed coffee for the trip. We would take turns drinking from the silver top that doubled as a cup. ALWAYS black with just enough sugar to be a touch sweet but not like syrup. I would pour because he was driving and he would always smile and tell me not to spill it.

I remember this as I sit here at work drinking a cup of coffee. What brought the sudden flood of memory back to my conciousness I don't know. Maybe it is because it was at those times where I actually felt like I fit into my fathers eye of what I was supposed to be. That maybe there was some ideal moments when I could be considered more than the bothersome child that he so made me out to be.

There weren't many times where my father was tender or kind, nurturing, but at those little moments I reveled in the attention because it was just me and him.

When at my grandparents house for the summers... I would often cry that I wanted my daddy when I was in trouble. Why? I truly don't know. I think I was still under the spell, as every child at my age is, that my parents couldn't do anything wrong. Possible it was because I longed for him to be like most other good fathers that I knew and actually take interest in his children. Not just me but also Shelley. Maybe wanting him to accept me and truly love me as is.

I was Never "Daddy's Girl". I Always wanted to be and it never squelched my desire to try to be so.

Alas, everytime that I did do something that was to his liking he would say... "Well there is always room for improvement." So maybe thats why in school as he spent more and more time away with buddies and up north hunting... I stopped trying so hard in my studies. It seemed that the only time when he had anything to say or anytime that he would care was when the reportcards came in.

AND then there was the accident and things were never the same.

I also remember the only time where my dad and I went fishing together. We were going out with one of his buddies from work while we were up north at the cabin. We got up early and went to Oscoda where my dads boat and his buddies were stored and in the water. That morning we were gonna go on his buddy Steve's boat on to the " big lake" Lake Huron.

I was so completly thrilled that I was going. Thought that finally he is maybe taking interest in being with me and doing stuff with ME!

So we stopped in town to grab something for breakfast... and some coffee for dad of course. Mind you I am a kid and donuts anytime sound great. Hell, they still do. But the kicker of it was that my dad let me get ORANGE JUICE. So needless to say the entire trip I was useless cause I puked the entire time. So in other words I ruined my dads time on the lake and wasted the time of Steve and my dad by them having to clean the boat up. Although when we were on the lake after I puked the first time... they started catching really BIG fish.

But those little moments, where I could say that without a doubt maybe my dad loved me just a little bit, is all I have now. Just little memories that pop in and out of my head, haunting me.

I treasure them.



Whiskey

Have you ever felt that the only reason why some people keep you around as a friend is either for your money or the tasks and things that you do for them?

With that asked... I have a few friends that all of a sudden stopped talking to me???? Maybe its because my car no longer runs... so I cannot run them all over town? Maybe its the fact that most of my money now is tied up in doing things to get ahead in life rather than pay for gas and other peoples meals? Maybe its because my life is getting better and they are naturally being weeded out just like Deb and Charissa? Jill hasn't talked to me in 9 days now. I donno if she is dead... or just not talking to me.

You know real friends don't just stop talking to you. If there is a problem they come to you and say look... this is whats going on. How fucking immature it seems to just ignore someone in your life. Are they doing it because they think they are teaching you a lesson? All I got to say is .... YOU HAVE TO BE A FRIEND TO HAVE FRIENDS....

IF YOU ARE A USER DO NOT TALK TO ME


Whiskey

Well the bridal shower is now done and in the past... Chello was beautiful and got lots of great gifts... The place was great but not alot of people showed and I was disappointed that they didn't have a few hours to come and celebrate with my friend on one of her big days... Everything was completely run by Danielle... and I am not sure what my whole view on her is... But the day was nice and the food was ok. They had it at a tea house in Plymouth, MI. So we did the whole tea theme. We made baskets with a tea infuser, tea, chocolate roses... that Nicole made, and candles that I made.

Ok some people are going to be mad at me... and some already have been for a long time. Big B and I have mutually decided to try things again... after almost 5 complete days of being on the phone and talking and just trying to get things to work out, we decided to make absolutely sure that its something that we want or not. I am sure that I may be opening my self for a big fall... But what if he is the one?

Ok yeah I love this man... and yeah we have both hurt each other... So maybe we just really need to focus on us for a while and keep foreign forces and ideas from others out of it. Besides I want to make absolutely sure that this is or isn't the man for me... plus 3 years is a long time to just throw away...

So again we start a journey and hopefully this time it will work out for the best... if not then I know that I have tried everything and know that its not meant to be...

So I burn on...

Love Yall


Whiskey

Well I am here at the point of breaking because my sister whom I haven't heard from since the fuckin baby shower all of a sudden says "what are you doing tomorrow?" "Cause I think Bob can come up to see you with the baby and me too." Sorry its not my fault that you let your boyfriend rack up the cell phone bill so that you cannot pay it so that your credit is shot, and that you don't have one to come up here with to see me. You drive further down there from one end of town to the next just to get to Amandas and back and so on but you can't come see me because you don't have a cell phone. I AM SORRY I DON'T WANT TO SEE BOB!!! I WANT MY SISTER AND MY NEICE!

Ya know I am sorry but I have made every attempt to come and see my neice but my sister decides that other things are more important. She hasn't called me, sent me any pictures, or has even emailed me with anything about my niece. So yeah I am fuckin pissed off. I work a full time job... while trying to get a company started.... and still have the fuckin time and had the fukin time to call her, to make sure she was doing ok, or even just to say friggin hi. So I think that her saying that she has alot going on with just a new baby is bs... Must be nice not to have to pay for rent.. or for any bills... Cause mommy and daddy are still takin care of her and Bob who is married and they still haven't told my parents....


Still haven't gotten a simple thank you card from her since I only threw her baby shower oh and still bought her a crib, and made candles for it as well.... Lets say over $380 worth of stuff for her. Never again. Baby shower was May 21st and its now August 4th. I think its safe to say that I will never get one huh...

Shit she never even calls and I am sorry thats pathetic... Oh well.... So I am done having her treat me like I am just another figment of her imagination... I've got better things to do!



Whiskey

The woman in the mirror
I see a smiling face
No matter what life dishes out
She still has poise and grace

So many pains bestowed her
Life has been all wrong
The woman in the mirror
Still sings a happy song

The woman in the mirror
No one sees her grief
She learned well to hide it
Though she knows no relief

Sometimes sadness overrules her,
She wants to let go
The journeys God has given her
Are way to much to tow

Somehow she finds another breathe
To carry the load
Two steps closer to heaven
And on her way she goes

The woman in the mirror
Her beliefs have made her strong
Knowing there are miracles
That will someday be her own


Whiskey