Well I went to the doc last Tuesday cause I was having dizzy spells and wanted to make sure that I was ok cause it was weird how they would come and go and make me feel completely sick for about an hour and then I was fine. I went to get my labs done again this year just to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong...
Well needless to say..... IRONICALLY..... I am the healthiest fat girl my doc has ever seen. How lovely right. No she basically meant that all my tests were perfect. No high blood pressure, no high cholesterol nothing... Everything was perfectly right in the middle where its supposed to be.
I then asked why then am I getting the dizzy spells... I described them again to her... and I didn't know she was a Christian at all... and she said to me.......... does it feel like a weight on your shoulders from your head to your neck and I am like yeah kinda like someone is sitting on my shoulders and covering me eyes.... She asks me if I had been doing anything out of the ordinary... like attending church services or somethin... and I go no, but I am reading this book...
Spiritual Warfare?
I was like umm you are fucking kidding me right... She was absolutely serious.
Ok again I am not an extremeist when it comes to my spirituality... I don't go to church because I haven't found one that nurtures like a church is supposed to... I don't run around telling people they are going to hell cause they don't believe in GOD the way that I do. I don't witness to anyone unless someone asks about what I believe. But I feel that I have a deep understanding and a close relationship with GOD.
So I am really kinda getting weirded out by the fact that she thinks that I am posessed or something at some level. LOL OK I GUESS IT COULD HAPPEN! Especially since I have been actin out of character when I felt sick and dizzy. Ok and I haven't really prayed... like seriously sat down and prayed and communed in a long time. Ok well... since my youth paster Ron Little decided he was a pervert and called phone sex lines from our home church and made the church pay for it. That shit messes with your head. Here was this man that was part of the leadership in my church and I had told this man GOD knows what and I trusted him. Rochelle and I were devastated for a long time after that.
So in essence what she told me was come to church with me and we will make you right again. I was really offended at this point. So I took the card that she gave me from her church to be polite and asked me to please call the pastor or to come to one of the woman's Bible studies....
OK I REALLY DON'T LIKE ALOT OF WOMEN. And my idea of a great Tuesday night was not sitting in a room full of old ladies who will sit there and speak in tongues and try to exorcise me while my head spins and I vomit.
So I went home. Healthier than any horse I know... and still scared out of my head.
I went to get the book that I have been reading... and the very next chapter... was about Spiritual Warfare! FUCKING FREAKING ME OUT MAN!
I TELL YOU WHAT! MY ass was at mass on Saturday!! and I have read and reread that chapter 3 times and have prayed every time that I have been afflicted with the dizzyness. Everytime I do it stops instantly. I am not a catholic... but I tell you what... I know the fear of something else out there that is being vengeful and its not my GOD.
Thank you GOD for all the blessings that you bestow upon me everyday. I pray in your graceous name that you rebuke the nastiness from my body and you release whatever is afflicting me! In Jesus' name I pray... AMEN!
