Well October 22 was our official 3 year anniversary... Ok I am gonna be 25 this coming year and because I am still stuck in a rut I have nothing... I have several opportunities to just get out and get my shit together...

WHAT MAKES ME STAY?

I am coming to the conclusion that I am INSANE! No one else would put up with the shit that I do on a daily basis, and no one would have stayed this long. All my friends know how he treats me when they aren't around and they tell me to leave... Maybe its me just wanting one thing in my life to go right. I don't know if its cause I am scared of the future or what but I know things are going to start changing very fast... Especially if I get this job that I have applied for and have an interview tomorrow morning at 11am.

If I get the job.. I don't think I will have time anymore for the silly bullshit. I will be forced to wake up and take either one of the opportunities or just move out on my own... Hell I have always been able to support myself... Why do I think I need a man to help in that?

So I know as I sit here and once again my heart has been broken by the same guy that has had practise for 3 years to destroy my world... that things will never be the same... I am not the same 22 year old girl that was looking so eagerly to be loved... I am not the same woman that last year fell silently into tears when his fathers side of the family... reduced me to a child because they failed to give any kind of thought into a gift that was suitable for a woman that was 23 years old. I am not the same woman that will let someone walk all over me... Nor am I the woman that will allow someone to use me as I once allowed many people to.

This last year has brought many changes and hopefully they will all be for the better.

Wish me luck on my interview...


Whiskey