Its been sooo long since I have written anything and yet there is so much that is going on. I don't know where to begin.
I am still with Brian and I feel that we are slipping. It scares me. I have invested so much time into this relationship that I forgot to make me happy first. With him lately it feels as if I am living a double standard. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
I have made all efforts to initiate some spark of playfullness in him and still its the same ole shit day after day. I work third shift and he is on seconds. so when he is going to work I am just getting in. You'd think that when we actually have time off together that he would try to make that time count for something. No sex! Nothing that is romantic, not even the faintest thought of fucking or anything goes through his mind. Basically thats it. I am so a sexual creature and nothing is happening. Its been more than 4 months since he even thought of it.
I was reading in bed and he comes in and lays down and trys to sleep. Like less than 5 minutes later he actually hits me and tells me he wants to sleep. So I am forced to turn the light off and lay down only to get up and roam the house because I am a third shifter and cannot sleep.
And he bitches about me leaving a glass out that I was using for whatever I was drinking. Jack our cat likes to knock things over and Brian chews my ass out even though it has nothing in it. Well I am here looking and reading and Brian left a fucking water glass full, on the coffee table, and the cat knocked it over and into my laptop. There again the double standard. Where he says to do something his way but yet he doesn't follow his own rules. And again I am gonna have to be the one who pays for the shit that it does not only to me but to my fucking laptop.
I have had dangerous thoughts of cheating!!! AND I CRY!!! I don't want to do anything to hurt him but he is hurting me so and he doesn't even think about it. Nor do I think he cares.
I am a glorified roomate again......... but yet I don't feel Glorious.
Whiskey
I am still with Brian and I feel that we are slipping. It scares me. I have invested so much time into this relationship that I forgot to make me happy first. With him lately it feels as if I am living a double standard. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
I have made all efforts to initiate some spark of playfullness in him and still its the same ole shit day after day. I work third shift and he is on seconds. so when he is going to work I am just getting in. You'd think that when we actually have time off together that he would try to make that time count for something. No sex! Nothing that is romantic, not even the faintest thought of fucking or anything goes through his mind. Basically thats it. I am so a sexual creature and nothing is happening. Its been more than 4 months since he even thought of it.
I was reading in bed and he comes in and lays down and trys to sleep. Like less than 5 minutes later he actually hits me and tells me he wants to sleep. So I am forced to turn the light off and lay down only to get up and roam the house because I am a third shifter and cannot sleep.
And he bitches about me leaving a glass out that I was using for whatever I was drinking. Jack our cat likes to knock things over and Brian chews my ass out even though it has nothing in it. Well I am here looking and reading and Brian left a fucking water glass full, on the coffee table, and the cat knocked it over and into my laptop. There again the double standard. Where he says to do something his way but yet he doesn't follow his own rules. And again I am gonna have to be the one who pays for the shit that it does not only to me but to my fucking laptop.
I have had dangerous thoughts of cheating!!! AND I CRY!!! I don't want to do anything to hurt him but he is hurting me so and he doesn't even think about it. Nor do I think he cares.
I am a glorified roomate again......... but yet I don't feel Glorious.
Whiskey
