Forever will be known as the day that my life changed... I have completely lost it. The only thing that is keeping me from killing myself right now is the thought of him taking everything I have now. How his mother would revel in that. All I am to them was a money grubbing whore who never made her lil boy happy. I wasn't pretty enough... skinny enough... Nothing I did was ever good enough. But yet they all sat there... pretending to my face to like me to even love me, lying, and secretly plotting against me. She was histarically happy when I called her to tell her that Brian cheated on me. She said, "Honey, we will get through this." and the ever popular "Whatever you need just call."

So I sit here alone waiting for some light to come through this day. For some instance of maybe Brian being that man that I spent my life with so far. No he didn't call. He didn't acknowledge that I even existed... I am sorry... How FUCKING cold can you be...?

That's ok... I am done feeling like I am the one who needs to change. I love myself... I hate myself for letting him make me feel this way... My best friend tonight is my bottle of southern comfort...

There are a few people that I have to thank tonight... Jason, Rochelle and Jacque for actually taking the time to make sure that I was ok... People that actually gave a damn... There are so many people that have let me down that I am just at the point of becoming reclusive and focusing on the people who actually give a shit. So thanks guys ... you are the greatest and I don't take you for granted.

Life is change and I will be fine... just tonight I reserve the right to go crazy.