Dear Gram,

I am sitting here at the hospital while Vanessa … Don’s ex girlfriend visits her many family members here. I have come to find that I am always going and helping others and putting others before myself and family. I sister here and only wonder what would have happened if I for one second knew you were sick…

I ponder this only because I never knew and because I know for a fact I would have dropped everything to help you. There are so many things that my parents and people have kept from me. I don’t know if it was because I was still estranged from them at the time. I have only gotten little bits of information about when you were sick and what happened before you passed.

Maybe you figured that it was your time and that you were ready… All I know is that I would have been there if you would have wanted me.

So I sit here going to see other people’s family members when I knew that I should have been seeing you too. I feel so guilty for this. I just wished that I had longer with you last summer. There are sooo many things that I would do differently if I knew.. Just knew that you were sick. You were very much alive to me then… Sometimes I don’t believe that its real and that I will come visit you this summer or as soon as the weather breaks. But then again I have been telling myself that for years. Now you are truly gone.

I just hope that you are at peace. When I think that you are in Heaven with Grandpa and others in our family, it comforts me. But I can never be really sure because of all that God has dealt me… I am almost convinced that I am cursed.


I love you,

Whiskey