I have never had such a hard time finding a job before in my life. The interview with Life Touch went well I think. It was really only a orientation where they gather prospective employees together and weed the good out of the bad. So I filled out the application and that job will start in August if they decide to hire me. SO... What do I do till then? I mean I have no money at the moment. In order to get to this job I need gas right? Well anyway they said that they will let everyone know whether they are hired or not by July 9th or so. I thought that was nice. Considering half the assholes that I have interviewed for haven't called or even said boo...

So I think my best bet is to probably get in at McDonald's or something along those lines. They are always hiring. Or I still think that Target or Kohl's will be better than nothing.

So I am getting scared. Ok so lets get down to the nitty gritty of things... I am pissed to all hell! Not about the wedding... Not about the fact that I haven't found a job yet... I AM PISSED that every time I ask Brian what he is doing today when we wake up... he tells me a big resounding NOTHING! I am busting my ass trying to find a job, going to all these interviews, pounding the pavement, and he just won't try. He says, "I am never going to find one. I have a degree and I am over qualified for everything..."

So he sits here at the computer or in front of the TV all day long... I get that , this is a real shitty time for us. I get that, he is depressed about the situation and is not able to provide for me. I SO GET THAT! But there comes a time when you have to say fuck it and get shit done. All I am asking him to do is try. Go work out at the grocery store or at the hard wear store. Just to fucking apply... Is it a glamorous job that pays well and has benefits??? NO. But at least we won't get fucking evicted from our apartment, at least working those jobs, we won't lose his nice car. We are so close to paying it off.

I have fucking driven a shitty car all my life so that we can afford the things that he wants and wants to do. I have sacrificed friendships and a career for this man. And he won't fucking try. I have given so many things up so that our relationship would work and its like the one thing that I ask for is a little gumption to take care of the necessities. AND the negativity... OMG... "Women in Michigan have all the good jobs!" or "I don't have a job! I'll NEVER find one." You don"t see me sitting here and being like that. I believe that I will find something... anything soon.

But the worst is the fact that he ignores me the entire time I am here, as he sits on the computer or watching TV. I mean I am trying so hard to get a fucking job.. And then he even wants the same job!!!!! So he applies to it and takes any chances of me getting hired. I found the ad. I found the fax numbers. I have made every attempt to find one yet he wants me to do it for him as well! I LOVE HIM! I don't want to be spoon feeding him jobs for the rest of our lives. .

I shouldn"t have to compete with him over a job!

I just want him to try!!! He will feel so much better about himself if he were to find it on his own. He is not useless and he won't listen to me.

So what do I do?

I guess I am just an insensitive bastard!