Most of my life has been spent in the darkness not knowing where a bright spot would be.
I "thought" when I met Brian and left my parents that it would be different. Things would possibly get better. They never did. They have steadily gotten worse from him cheating on me 3 months before the wedding, his mother basically telling me before finding out that he was cheating on the way to her own daughters dress fitting for our wedding (almost like she knew) "You might want to keep that ring... you never know when you might need to pawn it.", to even discovering that my wedding dress was never ordered due to his mother and his aunt who worked at the store.
How can you do that shit to people??? Is there some unwritten code that allows people to feel that they can do and say that shit? I wonder if he even knew any of that was going down at the time?
At any rate THANK GOD I NEVER MARRIED THAT BASTARD AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!
Hopefully I am on the road to better things now... I went to my pre-op appointment and things look good and are a go. Surgery will be done on the 28th at 130pm. I have 3-4 days in the hospital and then it looks like a month or so of recovery. That doesn't even include the hormone therapy and what not my Dr. Wilson has planned for me.
I hope that the things that are happening now will reverse themselves and that I will start being the way I was always meant to be. Hopefully life is like that after all this is said and done. From what I look like, to the better health, and even feeling that I belong somewhere and that really this is not all my fault.
The story of the Ugly Ducking... comes to mind.
That is what my doctor has said since I met him... "This is something that you were born with and should never had to deal with all of this alone. It's not your fault." I take great comfort in that. Because truly I have tried everything to feel better and diet and exercise but nothing... I mean NOTHING worked!
Some of the depression has lifted. Just knowing that things are starting to go the way is planned is comforting. However, I still feel as if my parents aren't getting how serious this really is...
It's ok though. It's their loss... But I am finally on my way of letting things that have haunted me from my past... go... Letting go. Yup I think that is really what it comes down to. Just the strength and the determination to continue living... instead of giving up and losing hope like I have done for soooo many years now.
I am going to try to post a little before the surgery... till then
Whiskey Leigh Embers
I "thought" when I met Brian and left my parents that it would be different. Things would possibly get better. They never did. They have steadily gotten worse from him cheating on me 3 months before the wedding, his mother basically telling me before finding out that he was cheating on the way to her own daughters dress fitting for our wedding (almost like she knew) "You might want to keep that ring... you never know when you might need to pawn it.", to even discovering that my wedding dress was never ordered due to his mother and his aunt who worked at the store.
How can you do that shit to people??? Is there some unwritten code that allows people to feel that they can do and say that shit? I wonder if he even knew any of that was going down at the time?
At any rate THANK GOD I NEVER MARRIED THAT BASTARD AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!
Hopefully I am on the road to better things now... I went to my pre-op appointment and things look good and are a go. Surgery will be done on the 28th at 130pm. I have 3-4 days in the hospital and then it looks like a month or so of recovery. That doesn't even include the hormone therapy and what not my Dr. Wilson has planned for me.
I hope that the things that are happening now will reverse themselves and that I will start being the way I was always meant to be. Hopefully life is like that after all this is said and done. From what I look like, to the better health, and even feeling that I belong somewhere and that really this is not all my fault.
The story of the Ugly Ducking... comes to mind.
That is what my doctor has said since I met him... "This is something that you were born with and should never had to deal with all of this alone. It's not your fault." I take great comfort in that. Because truly I have tried everything to feel better and diet and exercise but nothing... I mean NOTHING worked!
Some of the depression has lifted. Just knowing that things are starting to go the way is planned is comforting. However, I still feel as if my parents aren't getting how serious this really is...
It's ok though. It's their loss... But I am finally on my way of letting things that have haunted me from my past... go... Letting go. Yup I think that is really what it comes down to. Just the strength and the determination to continue living... instead of giving up and losing hope like I have done for soooo many years now.
I am going to try to post a little before the surgery... till then
Whiskey Leigh Embers
I guess I'm lost, what kind of surgery?
You can email it if you don't want to discuss it publically.
xoxox thanks for the kindness. Youre thought of and missed.
DUH thats me! lol