It's been a few days since I last wrote. I have been trying to come to terms with all the things that are going on in my life. I just needed some breathing room from everything and everyone. I should have went up north and stayed there but that was too far and I had to get all the testing done. These past few weeks have not been pleasant. I have been through so much testing and crap that I am so tired and emotionally drained.
However, I Have A Diagnosis!!!
The ah ha! moment is finally at hand.
The Ultrasound
The CT Scan
and all the blood tests confirm that firstly, I have
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
secondly and a tad bit more disturbing is the mass that is in my abdomen...
I have been carrying around what was supposed to be my twin. It has hair and teeth even. It is the size of 2 large grapefruit. It has wedged itself lovingly in my abdomen and hanging nastily from my right ovary.
This explains everything in my life. The weight gain... and never being able to lose any signifigant fat... the raging fits and hormones and even why I have not been able to get pregnant.
My mom never told me about the issues that she had and also never said that she had weight issues too.
The signs were there in the beginning when I was younger. But instead of asking those questions they were swept under the rug and it was just easier to believe that I was lazy... that I was sneaking food and not doing what they asked me to do. I have suffered through some very horrific things with my parents. This one however, I don't know if I can forgive them of not caring enough to be the parent, to ask the questions, and to give the information that would have nipped all of this in the bud years ago.
I am 28 now... My life could have been so much different. The possibilities were endless if I could have just had the chance at them. It is almost that I was given the death sentence and was doomed to be under this sickness for all time.
It took me 28 years to not only find someone who loved me enough to ask the questions but also a doctor who knew enough to actually try to do their job. That is sad!!!
I have seen several doctors and all of them have swept my issues under the rug.
I had better insurance then so why didn't they take care of me?
I have had several days to let this soak in and ruminate in my being of all the possibilities lost and have come to the only conclusion that would allow me to be angry, but also at the same time understand that is all going to end better and hopefully give me more than I ever hoped for...
I am an ugly... unwanted duckling. Soon, However, I will blossom into the swan that I was always meant to be.
I love myself. I love the fact that I am fearless and that I can be whom ever I want at any given moment. I love the fact that I am so resilient and have learned much in this massive shell than half of the gorgeous people I grew up with... For that I am so blessed and makes me a better person. Makes me smarter within and more beautiful on the out.
Now I just have to tell those nearest and dearest to me what's going on.
I am scared... but relieved all at the same time.
Thank you God for your guidance and love...
Whiskey Leigh Embers
However, I Have A Diagnosis!!!
The ah ha! moment is finally at hand.
The Ultrasound
The CT Scan
and all the blood tests confirm that firstly, I have
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
secondly and a tad bit more disturbing is the mass that is in my abdomen...
I have been carrying around what was supposed to be my twin. It has hair and teeth even. It is the size of 2 large grapefruit. It has wedged itself lovingly in my abdomen and hanging nastily from my right ovary.
This explains everything in my life. The weight gain... and never being able to lose any signifigant fat... the raging fits and hormones and even why I have not been able to get pregnant.
My mom never told me about the issues that she had and also never said that she had weight issues too.
The signs were there in the beginning when I was younger. But instead of asking those questions they were swept under the rug and it was just easier to believe that I was lazy... that I was sneaking food and not doing what they asked me to do. I have suffered through some very horrific things with my parents. This one however, I don't know if I can forgive them of not caring enough to be the parent, to ask the questions, and to give the information that would have nipped all of this in the bud years ago.
I am 28 now... My life could have been so much different. The possibilities were endless if I could have just had the chance at them. It is almost that I was given the death sentence and was doomed to be under this sickness for all time.
It took me 28 years to not only find someone who loved me enough to ask the questions but also a doctor who knew enough to actually try to do their job. That is sad!!!
I have seen several doctors and all of them have swept my issues under the rug.
I had better insurance then so why didn't they take care of me?
I have had several days to let this soak in and ruminate in my being of all the possibilities lost and have come to the only conclusion that would allow me to be angry, but also at the same time understand that is all going to end better and hopefully give me more than I ever hoped for...
I am an ugly... unwanted duckling. Soon, However, I will blossom into the swan that I was always meant to be.
I love myself. I love the fact that I am fearless and that I can be whom ever I want at any given moment. I love the fact that I am so resilient and have learned much in this massive shell than half of the gorgeous people I grew up with... For that I am so blessed and makes me a better person. Makes me smarter within and more beautiful on the out.
Now I just have to tell those nearest and dearest to me what's going on.
I am scared... but relieved all at the same time.
Thank you God for your guidance and love...
Whiskey Leigh Embers
