"But hey, that's life!...Isn't it? You allow yourself to be backed into a corner by the rejection, the adversity. You allow yourself to fall from grace and then you feel again. You re-ignite the senses, you re-evaluate the gift of being able to make someone happy and then...you strike! The frustration, the self-doubt, the all time low, the anxiety and the disappointment. You gather them and then you strike with the might of it all. You let it hurt you, maim you and even disgrace you. But you NEVER let it kill you. You let it get you down but then you get back up again and you strike!...Yeah sure I have bad days, sometimes I get down so low that I could wear a top hat and still crawl under a snake, we all do, but when we're being assessed, it's going to be on how quick and if at all we did get back up."


-Seal


Isn't this so true of the way that we as people need to be these days. We have to pick ourselves up off the ground after making either a mistake in some way or failing to accomplish something that is huge in our lives. Dusting the remnants of what you thought was a sure thing or a friendship that you thought would last a lifetime. But that's life... Isn't It? We continually are fighting and struggling to find some measure of actuality in some form of existance that could for one moment really matter to some one or something. To be validated in some way. To be important in some way to some one. I don't care who you are... you still feel the need for that simple and oh so basic feeling of belonging and being wanted. You would be a liar if you said that there wasn't and that you didn't feel it at some point in your life.

For me life has been more than giving everyone, and everything in it, the benefit of the doubt. Regardless of where you come from, what you look like, how many hands and toes you have... You are a great person... Until you prove me wrong...

So I think for me, this is my biggest fault. I trust too willingly. I have too big of a heart. I open doors for people to take advantage of me. I have faith in people that do not deserve it. I trust them till they rake and rape me over the coals so severely that there is no way out. The only way to change that though sadly is to become a more guarded and callous person. I have to cage my heart, trust, and sanity just so that I am not once again peeling myself off the pavement from another person who decided to be the more ugly of the two.

Here I am. Sitting here picking myself up off a terrible fall again. There still is not any resolve to the problem. There is not a non-messy way out. I am at a loss of where to go and how to handle the situation. I am Lost...

So for now I am working on my wedding, trying to find a decent job, and spending time with my fiance'. Everything else is a moot subject.